Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Fashion in the work place.

This is what work looks like for me lately:

Step 1.
Enter super vacuum sealed room #1, put hair in ponytail (after just drying it of course to look professional and put together at the work place), pull fluorescent blue shirt over my regular shirt and then pat down because they say it's a 'Medium' when really all the shirts are one size fits all - sized gigundo. Pat hair down because gigundo fluorescent shirt is always zapped full of static. Now, with hair plastered to my head and looking blueberry fantastic, I pull on matching blue fluorescent pants. Dust off fashionable lab goggles and put on face (or at this point, realize I forgot my goggles - undress, and start over after retrieving them.) Don hair net. Feel thankful I don't have facial hair and can skip face mask step. Move to yellow line in the middle of the room. Balancing very carefully, extend one foot in the air, pull on shoe cover and step over the line without falling. Repeat for foot number 2. Apply latex gloves. Spray self with alcohol while holding breath. Move into hallway.
Step 2.
Enter vacuum sealed room #2. Move directly to line in the middle of the room, repeat balancing/extending foot/applying shoe cover feat again. This time with white shoe covers. We are now moving out of the blueberry stage.
Step 3.
Enter vacuum sealed room #3. (At this point we are deep in the gully of what we call the 'clean suite'. There is no noise except for rushing air. No birds even.) Shake out full body marshmallow suite - that is also 'one sized fits all' medium. Put on without letting a single piece of fabric touch the floor (this is an impossibility for the record. Especially since each vacuum sealed room gets considerably smaller) Move to yellow line in the middle of the room and step into knee-high booties one at a time. Pull them up and tie them around ankle. Enter clean suite looking quite like a marshmallow and very professional. Voila!


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